When my Granddad died a few years ago it sent me down a bit of a rabbit hole thinking about death and life, the mark we leave, the intentions we set for ourselves. I hope you will forgive me a little self-indulgent out-loud thinking.
My Granddad was a good man. He was 98 when he died, still walking a couple of miles a day and living in a 2-storey house in Belfast on his own. He was stubborn, for sure, and he was very committed to a sweater vest in any shade of beige or brown he could find. He always wore a tie, even when he was farming back in the day, and well into his eighties he was still visiting the old people, the sick and infirm in his community, many of them a lot younger than he was.
We notice his absence, (there are many children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and so on) but it didn’t make front-page news anywhere that he had gone. He wasn’t the kind of man to make a fuss or stand out in a crowd. He wasn’t well known, and he didn’t leave a fortune to be given to some worthy cause. So what was the meaning of his life?
I think we often (or, I often, let’s keep it personal) live life on auto pilot. The map is marked out to an extent – school until we are 18, some kind of further training, a job, maybe a partner and maybe children, fun retirement with all the cash we have saved doing our jobs for years (possibly this is aspirational...), and then the end. I am wondering how I can live life with more intention, or purpose, or an eye to what impact I am making, even on the smallest number of people.
When I was younger, I wanted to be famous. I liked the idea of being known for something extraordinary or being so excellent that people knew who I was. Now I am not so sure. Fame brings some pretty horrible aspects with it now that we live in an age of constant scrutiny and cancellation etc. I also realised that I am not a good solo leader; I become too despotic and should always work as part of a team! But that aside, I think I have come to realise that the intentions I live with are more important than who knows about them, or who knows me.
So, with that in mind, I have set my intentions as follows:
To be kind as much as possible.
To live generously with my time and money and affection.
To listen well and try not to give all of my opinions all of the time (this is the one I am worst at!).
To live from a position of trusting others, despite this being disappointing at times and despite not always being trustworthy myself.
To accept that I am flawed in so many ways, but working on it.
To accept the flaws in others, too.
To think about the big questions in life; is there a God? Why am I here? Who am I really?!
These intentions seem to me to reflect my Granddad’s life in many ways. Perhaps his legacy is as simple as living with good intentions, and those of us who witnessed that trying to do the same.
And perhaps that is enough.
So good ro read Emma. Have you ever thought of doing IFS training? maybe you have? so many f your intentions resonate with that way of being in the worl and in self. x